The thick fog slowly rose over the school field. I could feel that Autumn was here. The air was cold. Even the fields showed some frost. As I neared the small country school building, I was thankful that I had picked up the pumpkins the night before and that I'd already spread them out on the back field. In the back of my mind, I knew this would be the last pumpkin race for our small school. The community in town was in the process of building a bigger facility incorporating the students from our school in it thus shutting us down forever. I tried pushing that thought aside as I drove from my cabin to the school.

Pulling into the graveled parking lot, I could faintly see in the distance the hundred plus pumpkins in the field. The slowly lifting fog gave an errie feeling. I knew it was going to be a good day, especially for the kids when they found out that the "Pumpkin Fairy" had brought pumpkins for everyone.

Yeah, the pumpkin fairy, that's me. The teacher whose been at this school for over 12 years. The name given to me years ago by some parents who knew I was the one who brought in the pumpkins each year to celebrate Halloween.

What they didn't know was that I was gay. A gay man living in the sticks trying to have the life of any other regular person who loves the outdoors and a small community. Life is not bad. I enjoy the rural living, but trying to find a special someone is a major task. It's not like they are out there with a sign that says: ”Masculine gay male, here I am.”

Everything must be so discreet when trying to look for a person to share with. I am careful because once you have been exposed there is no telling what rumors might come up. So I plug along doing what I like and hope that soon some one again will come along.

Thank God it's not raining. Jumping out of the truck, I make my way to the school. Other teachers are pulling into the parking lot and I can see the smile on their faces as they look out into the pasture and see the orange glow from the pumpkins. I scramble into the classroom and get things ready for the day to begin. I'll just wait for the students to see the pumpkins laying out there in the field. They should have noticed them as soon as the school bus came down off the ridge. If not, they'll have a birds eye view from the classroom. You couldn't get a better view than the one they have from this room.

While standing at the chalkboard and writing out the daily work, I could hear the students laughing in excitement about the pumpkins outside. Rushing into the room, they are shouting,” Mr. Christophers did you see out in the back field?“

I reply, "No, more deer nesting back there"?

“No!” They shouted. “Pumpkins!“

“ Hmmm pumkins? I asked. “Lets have a look.“

Turning toward the windows and in great excitement I say ,” Wow ! There are pumpkins out in our field!"

“How did those get out there?” someone asked.

The kids had no idea but were in a state of pure excitement. One asked, “Are those for us?“

“I reckon so”, I replied.

Actually this happens each year, the pumpkin fairy brings these pumpkins and all the students in the school have a race to find their special pumpkin. No one is ever left out.

Today, all the students are lined up against the windows. Some even found my binoculars and scoped out the one they wanted to have. In the back of my head I thought how long it would take to get these kids all settled back down. Then the bell rang and students began going back to their seats and waiting to hear what this pumpkin thing was all about.

These kids were all from nine to eleven. I knew they had very little patience and wanted to know the whole story. They also wanted to know when they could get their hands on a pumpkin. Even young men like myself are impatient like that at times.

I remember when I thought I had found my true love. I'd been corresponding with a man up north. I clipped an ad out of a personal page in the newspaper, we wrote to one another, and hit it off, right off the bat. We corresponded frequently and I was always impatient for his letters to arrive. The best thing of all was going to be the day we would meet. He did not live all that far from here and we figured we should get together soon.

Finally that time came. I felt like I was dating in high school all over again. Walking around with a big smile on my face, and just wondering how this would just work out. His name was Mark and he was a logger. Couldn't get anything more masculine than a logger in this area. I was really jazzed. I had friends who were loggers and they were the masculine and rough kind of guy I was looking for. I figured that the more masculine the better, especially for this small town. Mark was not totally out and that was great because neither was I. It seemed like a great match.

Finally the day came when I got to meet him. I think I just wore myself out about meeting Mark. It's hard being a gay man and not having anyone to talk to. All I could do was hold these imaginary conversations in my head. I sure wished I knew more gay people in this area just to share the thoughts and the feelings that were rushing around in my head. Anyway, I think I stressed myself out but I managed to get through it without being a total basket case.

I had Mark meet me at my cabin. It seemed okay and I even formulated a plan if any neighbors were to stop by. I would say I'd hired a logger to help with the limbing of trees on my property. When I saw his big diesel truck pull up the driveway I thought, “Damn, He's got a Ford. Right on!”

As he pulled around and parked, he got out of his truck. He had no need to jump because he was a big guy, unlike me, smaller in stature. “Hot Damn!“ I said as I was peering through the front window of the cabin. I just about drooled all over myself.

Then the nervousness hit. I managed to get to the door before he knocked. As I opened the door, there he stood. A big man, with a nice stache and beautiful blue eyes. We introduced ourselves with a good strong handshake. I always remember my grandad saying you know you're a man if ya have a good strong handshake. And boy, Mark had the strongest ever!

We spent the day wandering the property. I was amazed that Mark knew the many varieties of trees that grew on my property, (Well duh, he is a logger). We spent lots of time talking about our hobbies and interests. He liked to fish and hunt as much as I did and we found many things in common. What was really nice was we both got to share our feelings about being gay. Being gay isn't a choice. It is what we are. But we both agreed that we did not have to act out being gay like so many gays do. I think that is what attracted us to each other so much. We didn't publicize rainbows, wear flags, and both of us were very masculine in appearance and behavior.

The day went great and it got better as evening drew near. Mark stayed the night because he did not want to be out on the road late. We prepared a meal together and continued talking about our past and what life is like being gay and living in rural communities. It was such a relief to hear I had many of the same concerns that Mark mentioned. I felt like I had really found a friend I could talk to and relate to as being a gay man. As the evening got late we found ourselves on the bed upstairs.

It being our first time together we agreed to do nothing too sexual. It was nice to sleep up against a large man especially with hair on his body. He was almost bear-like. What was better was that he wrapped his arms around me and drew me close to him. I soon fell asleep with the comfort of knowing I had just come across someone very special. Maybe being patient is the rule to life?

My thoughts about Mark were interrupted by the commotion in the classroom. The students awaited directions for the day's lessons, but most of all they wanted to know what's up with the pumpkins. I explained that the pumpkins have arrived in a very mysterious way and that all of them will have an opportunity to retrieve one. I told the kids that this afternoon they would all line up across the field. At the drop of a hat, they would race down to the other end of the field to where the pumpkins were located. Each of them could then select, find, or just grab their pumpkin and bring it back up to where the race began.

All day long students kept peering out the windows at the pumpkins. I could feel their anticipation grow as time neared the beginning of the pumpkin race. I thought that I might have to remove the clocks from the wall because we were never going to get any work done. Yet all day long the kids worked well and managed to get their studies completed. It was now time for the race!

My students lined up excitedly outside joining with the others in the school. I heard comments about how fast a runner they were or the fact that they were going to get a special pumpkin that they had been admiring. It was all a lot of fun.

At the drop of the hat, they raced down the field like a herd of buffalo on an open prairie. Damn, those kids could run! The ground vibrated as they ran past me in one large mass. At the end of the field, the students quickly got their special pumpkin, the one that they had been waiting for so impatiently all day. Some had chosen a large one and others choose small ones. They were all happy to have found the right pumpkin.

One came up to me and said, “I have found my one special pumpkin.” It was huge and his hands and arms were completely wrapped around it. Just looking at that student flashed a memory of Mark and his big arms all wrapped around me that night he came to visit. For a moment I allowed myself to think of Mark and how our relationship had grown stronger. We spent a lot of time together, but with the logging industry dwindling Mark, to find work, had to move north to Alaska. He did what he needed to do and I did what I needed to do, stay here to educate children in this small rural community.

And, as the Pumpkin Fairy, I had a great day!

Editor's Note: J. Christopher is currently living in the western United States where he teaches elementary school students in a four room school house.