Ryan was born out of wedlock in 1980, to a drug addicted, alcoholic exotic dancer. His actual father was unknown. Before and after the time he was born, his mother had a succession of live in boyfriends.

Ryan was never shown any love or emotional support by his mother. He was essentially left to fend for himself.

When Ryan was six years old, he was stabbed in the stomach by one of his mothers many “boyfriends”. He was taken to the hospital but the people at the hospital were told that he was running around the house with a knife and somehow cut himself. When he returned home he was punished for not cleaning up his own blood.

When he was twelve years old his mother met a man she decided to marry. This man did not care for Ryan or want him around and so his mother turned him out to the streets. Imagine yourself being turned out into the streets at twelve years old, left to fend for yourself like a stray dog.

For a time Ryan stayed with his grandmother in the central Washington town of Yakima. His grandmother gave him a place to stay, food and clothing, but never any love.

After a few years of living with his cold and uncaring Grandmother, and with no other family to be with, Ryan made his way back to western Washington. He somehow managed to enroll in the local school district. During the day he would attend school and at night he would hang out with friends. Late at night, he would sleep in the lobby of the local post office. It was during these lonely late nights that Ryan first began to experiment with drugs and alcohol. His problems then became even worse and in what would have been his senior year of high school, he was so addicted to drugs and alcohol that he dropped out of school.

During the day he would continue to hang out with his other dropout friends and by night he continued to stay at the post office. We are not quite sure what Ryan did for money, we know he did a few odd jobs here and there, we also have an idea he may have been dealing in drugs. He doesn't talk much about that period of his life. Much of what we know has been pieced together with bits of information we have gathered along the way.

In the summer of 1999 my partner Joel first came into contact with Ryan. Joel worked at a mini-mart and Ryan made early morning visits there for essentials. After a few weeks they started to talk and become friends. Joel would buy him breakfast and coffee; in return Ryan would help around the store, cleaning and restocking the shelves.

Joel also needed help with alcohol and was going to AA. Somehow he managed to persuade Ryan to attend an AA meeting with him. Ryan must have found something of value there, because day by day he began to sober up and continued to attend AA meetings with Joel.

After a while, Ryan started doing odd jobs here and there and earned enough money to buy an ancient Datsun pick-up truck. With his truck he got a job delivering pizza for the local Dominoes. Two weeks before Christmas 1999, while delivering pizza, Ryan hit an icy spot on the road and wrecked the truck. He escaped with only minor injuries, but his truck was totaled.

After his accident, Ryan started to sink into a deep depression. At that time, he was living in our motor home. He would stay in the motor home all day and night and would rarely come into the house to eat or bathe. Fearing he would start to use again, Joel and I decided we had to do something. We went out and bought a bed for our computer room and turned it into a bedroom for Ryan. That was our first tentative step in welcoming Ryan into our family.

That Christmas we bought some new clothes for Ryan. All he had in the way of clothing was one pair of jeans and a couple of T-shirts, and a lightweight windbreaker. Later Christmas night we learned that those clothes were the first Christmas presents he had ever received. In fact they were the first gifts of any kind he had ever received.

As winter turned to spring and the weather started to warm, our friend Rick got Ryan a job doing landscape work at the same company Rick worked for. Ryan's life was finally starting to turn. He was starting down the path to becoming a real member of society.

On his birthday in April of 2000 we made him a cake and bought some computer games Ryan mentioned he wanted to buy. Again we found that a birthday gift was another first for Ryan. He was overwhelmed, and again we were touched beyond belief.

For several months things went well and he continued to work with our friend Rick. That is, until Ryan fell sick with a flu bug. It was very persistent and lasted for nearly three weeks. It was during this time that he learned he no longer had a job. The boss felt he had missed too much time and had to replace him.

Ryan started to fall into a deep depression and would sleep for hours on end. It got so bad that he only ate every couple of days. Joel suffers from manic depression and because of Joel's illness we began to recognize that Ryan needed some help. We made a doctor's appointment for him and Ryan was diagnosed with severe depression. He was given medication, which seemed to help- at least somewhat.

As the year wore on and Christmas approached once again Joel and I found ourselves debating whether we wanted to continue having Ryan live with us. We found ourselves wondering if he might be taking advantage of us. We started to think he was just being lazy and we were his free meal ticket. That Christmas we again bought him some gifts and he came with us when we visited Joel's parents on Christmas Day. We all had a great time; Ryan was treated just like family. Ryan got along great with Joel's cousins of the same age and we all played board games and shot pool; a good time was had by all. That evening on the way home Ryan said he really felt like he was part of something. He was in a great mood. We thought that maybe we had come to another turning point.

A few days after Christmas there was a knock at our door. It was Ryan's brother. We knew that Ryan had a brother, we knew that he had also been raised by their Grandmother. We also know that he spent most of the time running from the law. We didn't know and still don't know how his brother found out where he was staying. Ryan swears that he did not tell him, and I guess we have to believe him.

Ryan knew his thieving brother was not welcome at our house. He knew better than that. Late that night we heard voices, I went to see what it was. It was Ryan and his brother partying in Ryan's bedroom. I immediately asked his brother to leave. I went back and told Joel what I had found. Joel got out of bed, started to pack Ryan's stuff, and told him he was no longer welcome in our home. After all the other things, that was the last straw, Ryan had betrayed our trust.

The next day the phone rang; it was Ryan calling from Yakima. He and his brother had driven over there, the car broke down and his brother had left him. Joel and I talked about it for a while and decided we would give him one more chance. Joel drove over to get him and he seemed convincingly sorry. We had a long talk with him, and told him, like parents, that if he was going to live with us he did so abiding by our rules. He again apologized and we felt he was truthfully sorry.

For the next few months Ryan was still not working but he did do jobs around the yard and house. Again we started to feel taken advantage of. We felt we were enabling him. Rumors started circulating around the community that Ryan was our “house boy”. That he was trading sex in exchange for a place to live. Ryan had no problem with Joel and I being gay, but he is straight and did not like the rumors he was hearing. He found a few odd jobs here and there, taking care of some of our friends horses, clearing blackberry vines from their pasture, mowing lawns, and so on. After a while the rumors began to die down and Ryan started to feel better about his situation. That lasted for the summer and part of the fall. As the weather began to change and the odd jobs dried up, Ryan again spent an increasing amount of time in bed.

During this same time the company that Joel, his brother and I owned started to have problems. Joel was still working at the mini-mart but was not earning nearly enough to support Ryan and myself. I had not been drawing a paycheck so we could afford to pay our employees. Finances were becoming increasingly strained. That Christmas there were no gifts, no visit to Joel's parents and almost no Christmas tree. The day before Christmas we decided we were going to make the best of it. I went out grocery shopping and bought stuff to make a nice Christmas dinner and rented a few videos. Despite the tight finances, that Christmas turned out to be a wonderful day. The three of us spent time alone, ate a good dinner, watched movies, and were at peace.

Shortly after Christmas Ryan got a job at the mini-mart where Joel was working. My job was still pretty bad. I'd drawn only a couple of paychecks over a period of several months but between Ryan and Joel we were doing ok. Ryan seemed to really like his new job. He seemed to become much less shy and withdrawn and actually started to enjoy life. I really believe that for the first time in his life he felt needed. His job gave him a sense of purpose.

While Ryan seemed to be doing great, things with my job continued to get worse. For over six months I had no income. We downsized from over twenty-five people to less than ten. We sold machines, gave up extra space, let our company flatbed truck be repossessed and started to think about selling the place. Joel's manic depression, which had been under control for several years, started to flare up again. That summer was exceedingly difficult for both of us.

This story is about Ryan, but I can't complete it without writing about some major events that are about Joel.

On August 8 ^th of the summer of 2002 Joel attempted suicide. He called me at work late in the afternoon to say goodbye. He'd taken nearly a whole bottle of Wellbutrin and half a bottle of Depakote. It was the most painful moment of my life. I immediately called 911 from work. They told me to stay there by the telephone. Unknown to me Ryan was home at the time too. After Joel was barely able to walk he went and told Ryan what he had done. Ryan also called 911. 911 called me back to say the help was enroute. They'd received another call on Joel and I could go to a certain hospital. There was a problem, my car was in for service and I had no transportation. By now I was hysterical and didn't know what to do. I started calling people and couldn't seem to get a hold of anybody. I slammed my address and phonebook shut and out of desperation opened it again and called the first number that I saw. Thankfully there was an answer. After a few minutes of talking I began to calm down a little and started to think of a way to get to the hospital. I was able to get a ride to where my car was and it was ready so I took off for the hospital. I had to drive by a close friend's house so I stopped and picked him up, as I did not want to be alone. Together, in silence, we drove to the hospital. When we got there we found Ryan and another friend waiting for any word on Joel's condition.

I don't have a real clear recollection of everything that happened at the hospital that night. I remember getting there, being told that Joel was in critical condition, and that I could see him, but only for a few minuets. I remember talking to a social worker and I remember Ryan, Rick, and myself sitting there holding hands and waiting.

Much later the doctor came out and told us that Joel was being moved from the emergency room to the critical care unit. We were told that we should go home and get some sleep, he was not going to be allowed any visitors until the morning.

After debating whether we should stay at the hospital for the night or go home, we decided to go home. It was while driving home that I realized for the first time just how much Ryan had become part of the family. I also realized how much he loved us, and how much we loved him.

Ryan knows that no matter what happens, no matter where we are he has a home and a family that loves him, unconditionally. Sometimes out of the most difficult beginnings, and with many detours along the way, the most amazing things can happen…if we let them.